Sajtovi o usvajanju

Evo jednog predivnog bloga koji piše mama dve usvojene devojčice. Mlađa je umrla prošle godine. Ja sam pročitala sve od početka do kraja i mogu slobodno reći da ova priča nikog ne može ostaviti ravnodušnim.

Inače, mama ne piše baš o samom usvajanju i njegovim specifičnostima, ali kao dnevnik roditeljstva ovaj blog je pravi dragulj.

http://mylittlewarriorprincess.blogspot.com/?m=1

Odlična tema Tangerine. :)

Ja često idem na neke sajtove o usvajanju ili naidjem na zanimljive blogove, stranice na fb pa onda ih i sama zaboravim... Dobro je da imamo mesto gde će se nalaziti linkovi pa da posle možemo da ih opet nadjemo, podsetimo se a takodje i saznamo od drugih Kutanjki za sajt koji možda nismo znale.

Evo jedne stranice za koju sam ja stavljala link već a zanimljiva mi je jer se tu javljaju mnogi usvojeni roditelji ili nekada usvojena deca. Često se zadubim i u neke stvari koje kod nas još nisu aktuelne npr otvoreno usvajanje ali mi je jako zanimljivo šta ko tu napiše, koliko iskustvai doživljavanja mogu da budu različita čak i tamo gde je dopušteno i to podjednako iz ugla usvojenih roditelja i usvojene dece. Takodje mi je zanimljivo jer se često jave biološke majke koje su dale decu na usvajanje a to je strana priče koju mi se čini da mi retko čujemo. Neke od njih mi se čine kao tople žene, mada mene to ne iznenadjuje... Ali ako ste imali predstavu o biološkim majkama usvojene dece kao skotovima koje su učinile nešto što nijedna normalna osoba ne bi onda će vas "susret" sa njima na ovoj stranici možda još više iznenaditi.

https://www.facebook.com/adoptionnet?fref=ts

Ta fb stranica je inače vezana za sledeći sajt

http://www.adoption.net/

Mada ja češće iščitavam fb stranicu baš zbog tih ličnih iskustava.

Evo sad naidjoh na priču o medjunarodnom usvajanju vezanom za Srbiju. Ništa me ne čudi ali za strance je valjda čudno kad nalete na ovakvo mesto...

http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2013/11/it-will-eventually-all-make-sense/

dali ima koja strana na srpskom jer ja nerazumem englesni a mrsko me preko krstarice da prevodim sve

Na žalost slabo ima sajtova kod nas o usvajanju, bar da ja znam. Ja većinom čitam forume. Sem ovog našeg još i Rodu. I ostali roditeljski forumi uglavnom imaju taj deo o usvajanju ali ne čini mi se da su nešto baš korisni, uglavnom su to pitanja šta bi bilo kad bi bilo - da li biste usvojili dete ili sl a ne nešto što bi nama bilo korisno. Ako znate još neki dobar forum koji bi vredelo čitati napišite. Od sajtova na našem jeziku (odnosno hrvatskom) evo ponečeg...

http://www.adopta.hr/
http://www.familia.org.rs/

Simona, da li si razmišljala da napraviš svoj blog o roditeljstvu i/ili usvajanju? Ti si toliko posvećena i analitična da bi mnogi roditelji, što biološki što usvojeni, imali štošta da nauče od tebe. Moj muž i ja smo dobili bebu i zasad usvajanje stavili na stand by, ali i dalje svakodnevno dolazim ovde i čitam sve što napišeš.

Isto pitanje važi i za sve ostale mame.

Tangerine,
hvala :)

Nisam razmišljala dosad ali mislim da je ideja o blogovima sjajna. Ako ja otvorim staviću link svakako ovde a nadam se i ostale Kutanjke.

Uh ja baš ovih dana razmišljam o blogu kad naletoh na jedan na našem jeziku tj hrvatskom ali razumemo svakako... Posle čitanja samo jednog dela sam još sigurnija da bi trebalo da pišemo... Pogledajte...

Nepoznatoj


Znam Tvoje ime i ponešto o Tvom životu. Ti o meni ne znaš ništa. Iz onoga što su nam ispričali, ne mogu pronaći nikakve niti koje bi nas spojile, zbog kojih bi se nas dvije ikada našle zajedno, na kavi. U stvari, znam neke činjenice o Tebi, ali ne i piješ li kavu. Ono što nam je jedino zajedničko jest da smo obje žene. A opet, različite žene, za one koji bit ženstva vide u rađanju. Ti si ona koji si je mogla i jesi je rodila, ja ona koja to nisam mogla. Mogla bih, a opet i ne bih reći i da nam je zajedničko isto dijete. Na neki način jest, jer Ti si je nosila u svom trbuhu i rodila, a ja se s njom pronašla puno mjeseci kasnije. Sada ću reći, puno ih je, ali hvatat ću se za misao tješilicu da je iz nekog razloga, "zapisanog" negdje u Univerzumu, tako trebalo biti. Tvoj put je morao biti baš takav. Moj put baš takav. I njezin baš takav. Ma koliko je ja željela zaštititi od svega što joj je nedostajalo između nas dvije, sigurnosti Tvojega trbuha i sigurnosti mojega naručja.

Ponekad pomislim na Tebe. Vjerujem da se nikada nismo srele. Vjerujem da u Univerzumu nije "zapisano" da smo se nekada makar okrznule pogledom, ne znajući koliko ćeš mi ikada biti bitna. Nastojim ne misliti na Tebe, jer sam onda jako tužna, u svoj ovoj sreći kojom sam blagoslovljena. Baš zbog te sreće kojom sam blagoslovljena, bojim se da si Ti ponekad jednako nesretna ako je se sjetiš. Zamolila sam tete u centru za socijalnu skrb da Ti prenesu, ako ćeš ih ikada pitati, da je ona beskrajno voljena i sretna. Nadam se da je sretna, da sada nije ništa manje sretna od ostale djece. Vjeruj mi, trudimo se biti dobri roditelji, najbolji što možemo biti.

I svim srcem želim, i molim Boga za to, da Ti koja si darovala život mojem Suncu, zbog toga nikada ne vidiš mrak.

Hoćemo li se ikada upoznati, ovisit će o njoj i Tebi. Ako će Te ona ikada poželjeti upoznati, onda kad će joj to propisi dopustiti, da na taj način zaokruži svoju priču, bit ću joj podrška koliko će mi ona to dopustiti na putu da Te pronađe. Ukoliko će željeti podršku samo do toga trena, tu ću stati. Ako će željeti da budem uz nju i tada, kad ćete se sresti, ukoliko ćeš i Ti to željeti, bit ću uz nju. Ukoliko je, pak, nećeš željeti upoznati, moje naručje će je čekati, ako će, kad, i kako će ga trebati. Ali, molim Te, ako će ikada trebati Te pronaći, budi tada i Ti tu za nju.

Hvala Ti što si joj darovala njezin život.



namaste @ 17:18 |Komentiraj | Komentari: 44 | Prikaži komentare
četvrtak, listopad 28, 2010
Zapisano u zvijezdama?


Za našu curicu smo prvi puta čuli onih dana kad smo, prošle jeseni, zatrudnjeli. Doslovno "onih dana". U smislu, tih dana, doslovno, bila je implantacija.

Naša curica nam je stigla i kćerkica-mama-tata smo i službeno postali onih dana kada bih, da se trudnoća dobro razvijala, rodila. Doslovno "onih dana". U smislu, stigla je, doslovno, dva dana prije službenog termina poroda.

Slučajnost, možda. Moralo je tako biti, vjerujem.



Sad mi je još draže što tragove o onome o čemu sam razmišljala pronalazim na svom blogu, mjestu gdje sam bilježila najbitnije što mi se događalo. Jer postoji bitan dio njezinog života u kojem nisam sudjelovala, o kojem znam samo podatke. I pokušavam barem zamisliti kako joj je bilo dok se nismo pronašli, nas troje, iako mi je to nemoguće. Voljela bih da smo mogli biti uz nju puno ranije, da nije morala tako dugo čekati svoje mamu i tatu. Da nije morala sama biti u bolnicama, kad je bila bolesna. Da ju je svake večeri netko mogao u svom zagrljaju uspavljivati. Da je uvijek imala nekoga tko bi pritrčao kad je pozivala. Da nije plakala a da joj se nitko nije odazivao, jer je bila samo jedna od mnogih uplakanih. Da je od prvog dana imala nekoga tko bi je ljubio u trbuščić, ljubio joj nožice. Da zna čemu služi mamina cica. Da joj je netko puno, puno i s ljubavlju pričao, da joj se netko puno, puno i s ljubavlju smiješio.

Unatrag par tjedana najvažniji su joj trenutci, u kojima ima vrlo ozbiljnu facicu i počne mumljati pjesmicu (tekst koji "pjeva" je naaaaa-naaaa, ali melodija je otprilike pogođena), zajedničkog zagrljaja. Ako je jedno od nas, stojeći, drži u naručju, a ono drugo se nađe u blizini, pruža ručicu i privlači ga za majicu, pa se onda svi zagrlimo, s njom u sredini. I polako se ljuljuškamo. I onda je ona jako važna, mirna i djeluje mi zadovoljno. I mogla bi tako... hm, ne znam koliko dugo, nikad nismo do sada dočekali da raskine taj naš, obiteljski, zagrljaj.

I važno joj je, kad slušamo neku veselu pjesmu, ako zaplešem, da je brzo podignem u naručje i da onda ona meni na rukama hopše, maše glavicom i drma se. I smije se... tako se veselo smije.

I važno joj je nekoliko puta svakoga dana primiti me za prst i reći pa-pa (što bi značilo, u toj situaciji, "dođi", "idemo"), pa objaviti lula-lula-čta-čta, što je zahtjev da sjednemo na stolicu za ljuljanje i da je vrijeme za čitanje slikovnice. Čitam tekst, pa opisujem slike, imenujem sve što vidimo, zeko, cvijet, mišić, patkica kva-kva, žaba kre-kre, a uz bubamare, koje stanuju u dvije slikovnice koje trenutno čitamo, obavezno moram i otpjevati da nije lako bubamarcu, bubamarinom muškarcu, zum, zum, zum zum! (nije baš da je zgodno što bubamarac toliko šara s bubamarama, ali... njoj se sviđa da ubacimo pjesmicu u slikovnicu :) )









namaste @ 15:50 |Komentiraj | Komentari: 15 | Prikaži komentare
ponedjeljak, listopad 4, 2010
Još o zvijezdama


Nastavit ću sa zvijezdama...

Znate onu noć u kolovozu kada "padaju zvijezde"? U stvari, naravno, ne padaju zvijezde, nego je to kiša meteora koji ostavljaju trag kad ulete u atmosferu planeta na kojem živimo. Ali, sigurna sam da nisam jedina koja je kao malena to nazivala padanjem zvijezda. Ne sjećam se tko mi je tada rekao da dok gledam zvijezdu-padalicu, trebam, tj. mogu pomisliti neku želju kako bi mi se ispunila. Ne sjećam se ni što sam željela svih godina prije nego što se pojavila Želja, iako znam da sam se toj noći, sredinom kolovoza, zbog spektakla na nebu uvijek veselila. Najčešće bi me zatekla negdje izvan grada, na moru ili selu, gdje je zagađenost neba svjetlošću rasvjete manja, gdje je pogled na nebo još veličanstveniji i gdje meteori izazivaju još veći ushit.

Mislim da sam godinama iščekivala, gotovo "hvatala" tu noć i u njoj "hvatala" meteore tj. zvijezde-padalice prvenstveno zbog ushita. Djetinjasto sam naprezala pogled kako bih ih uhvatila i ispratila što više. Zbog užitka nad prizorom koji ne vidim često. Ne sjećam se što sam željela, iako sam sigurno uvijek imala neku želju. Vjerojatno istodobno i više njih. Dobro pamtim da sam znala biti i zatečena jer ne bih stigla svoju želju dovoljno brzo pomisliti, a trag meteora bi već nestao, tj. zvijezda bi već pala.

Unatrag pet godina, uvijek sam stizala pomisliti na svoju Želju. Čak i u tom trenutku uključiti u tu želju "svo srce", osjetiti je negdje u dubini sebe, negdje između grudi, gotovo kao neku tupu bol. Poželjeti svom snagom. Znate moju Želju... Bila je samo jedna. Uporno ista, iz godine u godinu. Jedna i velika.

Želja je bila ista, iako je osjećaj svake godine bio drukčiji. Bila je uvijek ta tupa bol između grudi, nije osjećaj po tome bio različit, nego po onome što je još bilo uz njega. Nisam bilježila pa ću se možda prevariti kad zavirim u sebe i pokušam posložiti osjećaje kako su se razvijali, bolje je reći mijenjali, kroz godine. Kao nekakvi miljokazi, točke koje zatvaraju puni krug onoga što se događalo od suza Sv. Lovre prethodne i te godine. Prve godine, te su suze na nebu uslijedile nakon moje prve dvije oplakane neželjene menstruacije. Ali, bila sam optimistična. Bit će, samo što nije. Sljedeće godine željela sam žarko, žarko. I bila optimistična, iako ne onako razigrano kao ljeto prije toga. Tog su ljeta suze na nebu bile koji dan nakon što sam primila svoju prvu "štopericu" nakon svojih prvih folikulometrija i nakon prvih ciljanih odnosa. Sigurno je sve u meni molilo nebo da u tim trenutcima u meni počinje život. U tom mjesecu je put do bebe djelovao ozbiljnije, projektnije nego do tada. Mislim da sam te godine vjerovala u medicinu. Godine nakon toga, bili smo već iskusni. Iza nas je bilo nekoliko AIH, hrpetina pretraga i jedna biokemijska trudnoća. Ne sjećam se da sam vidjela suze Sv. Lovre na Bliskom Istoku, bila sam opijena putovanjem i nisam ih se ni sjetila, a nijednu zvijezdu-padalicu nisam slučajno ugledala, tako da se nisam ni sjetila te, inače meni tako posebne noći. Ali sam se zato tog kolovoza, u mislima daleko od Svetog Lovre, molila jednom drugom svecu (Mar Sarkis; St. Sergius) u samostanu u Ma'luli, nakon što mi je čuvarica rekla da, između ostaloga, taj svetac pomaže i ženama koje ne uspijevaju zatrudnjeti. Objasnila mi je i da, u tu svrhu, mrvicu posvećene pomasti koju smo u minijaturnoj kutijici ponijeli od tamo za uspomenu trebam staviti na svoj trbuh. Posve sigurno se sjećam da smo prošloga ljeta gledali zvijezde-padalice puno "ozbiljnije" nego prethodnih ljeta, odlučila sam u njima opet uživati. Opremili smo se ležaljkama, bocom pive za supruga i bocom vode za mene i otišli noću na plažu, kako bismo ležeći u mraku, daleko od uličnih svjetala, imali bolji pregled nad nebom. Cimala sam supruga povremeno da bi trebao nešto poželjeti, a i ja sam, naravno, povremeno, uz neku od padalica željela (dijete... dijete... zdravo dijete... sićušni glasić u meni je dodavao: kćerkicu, ali onaj odlučniji bi ga zveknuo po glavi i poželio samo - dijete), ali više sam se igrala, kao nekada, i pokušavala ih vidjeti što više. Iz čistog gušta.

Ove godine, nisam se ni stigla sjetiti te noći, a kamoli otići sa suprugom nekamo gdje je manje svjetala oko nas, gdje je nebo tamnije a trag meteora blistaviji. Naša beba je spavala, i mi smo, iako na moru, tu večer bili doma. Da je noć kiše meteora, noć u kojoj "padaju zvijezde" skužili smo posve slučajno. Sjedili smo na terasi i razgovarali. I kad sam tako ugledala prvi blještavi trag na nebu i automatski pomislila da trebam brzobrzo poželjeti želju, shvatila sam, gotovo u panici, da je ne znam. Da je nemam.

Da više nemam svoju neispunjenu Želju.



Ovoga sam se sjetila jer smo prije par sati suprug, Zvrkica i ja, stvarali zvjezdano nebo u njezinoj sobi. Lijepili smo plastične zvjezdice koje svijetle neko vrijeme u mraku. I to smo vrlo ozbiljno lijepili, ja sam ih pripremala za lijepljenje, suprug ih je lijepio i pri tome pazio na konstelaciju zvijezda, tako da barem približno preslika dio neba... A Zvrkica je za to vrijeme sve igračke s najnižih stalaža, vrlo ozbiljno, ubacivala tj. "selila" u svoj kinderbet. Svi smo imali pune ruke posla.





namaste @ 22:48 |Komentiraj | Komentari: 13 | Prikaži komentare
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nedjelja, rujan 19, 2010
Jurimo naprijed...




Toliko je toga što bih mogla pisati, da jednostavno ne znam što odabrati. A pisati sve što bih htjela, jednostavno, ne stignem. I sad kad sam krenula, napisala sam rečenicu, pa obrisala, pa sljedeću, pa obrisala. Ne znam koliko sam rečenica tako napisala pa obrisala. A inače, uvijek do sad, kad bih krenula tipkati, ne bih stala...

Ako vam kažem da curicu ponekad u mislima zovem Zvrkica, bit će vam jasno... Sićušna je, ali je svugdje ima. U stvari, sad je već manje sićušna nego što je bila kad je došla doma, u tri mjeseca je narasla čak 6 cm! I čini mi se da je od bebe postala mala curica. Prije desetak dana sam skužila da su ona mala bucmasta okruglasta stopala i bucmaste šakice netragom nestale, izdužile se i prestale biti onako posve bebaste.

Kad smo se pronašli, njezin staž hodačice se mjerio tek u danima, svaki čas je bila na guzi (srećom, pelena amortizira takva "spuštanja") a sada jurca, prema nalazu fizijatra, pravilnog hoda, spuštenih ručica i gazi na puno stopalo. I od djetešca kojemu smo čuli glas samo dva puta (osim kad je plakala) dok nije s nama došla doma, imamo malu brbljavicu. Doduše, osim mame i tate, dio toga nitko ne razumije...

Naša beba se promijenila, mi smo se promijenili. Cijeloj našoj obitelji život se posve promijenio... Dok se nismo pronašli, imala sam jedno Sunce, sad imam dva.

A svake večeri molim da i naše dijete osjeća nas dvoje kao svoja dva Sunca. Da je bila sretna prethodnog dana. I da će biti sretna sljedećeg. Jer svakoga jutra kad nas vidi ona je sva u osmijehu...

A možda mi je teško i tipkati pa pišem i brišem jer je moj govor postao pojednostavljeniji, navikla sam unatrag tri mjeseca govoriti "auto tu-tuuuu", "maca mijaaaaauuu", "Pogledaj zvijezdu! Vidiš zvijezdu? /onda nas dvije zadivljeno kažemo: aaaaaaa...! ili ooooooo...!/ Blistaj blistaj, zvijezdo mala, tko si, što si, rad bi znala... /moj solo, za sada/"

namaste @ 09:19 |Komentiraj | Komentari: 15 | Prikaži komentare
srijeda, lipanj 30, 2010
Prava mama




Scena 1.

Službenica u matičnom uredu stavila je pred nju list koji je upravo isprintala, zahtjev za upis u matičnu knjigu, i pokazala na praznu crtu s desne strane:
- Ovdje potpišite.
Krenula je rukom u kojoj je držala kemijsku olovku, automatski, potpisati. I stala. I zajecala. I jecala kroz smijeh. I jecala.
- Oprostite...
Prazna linija koja je čekala njezin potpis stajala je uz riječ "Majka:".
- Oprostite... ovo je prvi puta da ću se potpisati uz riječ majka...
Jecanje i smijeh, smijeh i jecanje, poljupci s njezinim voljenim koji je stišče u svoj zagrljaj. Čestitam ti, tata... Suze u očima socijalne radnice koja ih je dovela u matični ured s pravomoćnim rješenjem o posvojenju. Rješenjem koje je postalo pravomoćno toga dana. Suze i osmijesi...
Rodni list. Dijete: njihova djevojčica. Ispod toga rubrike "majka" i "otac". Ona i On. U rubrikama njihova imena.

Dijete... Majka... Otac...



Scena 2.

Tri službenice u uredu HZZO-a, stolovi su im okrenuti prema vratima i njoj, koja je upravo predala jednoj od njih zahtjev za isplatu jednokratne pomoći novorođenom djetetu (bilješka: pravo na tu pomoć imaju i posvojitelji, ukoliko nekom drugom prethodno takva pomoć za to konkretno dijete već nije isplaćena, uglavnom, vrijedi provjeriti).
Jedna službenica (posve sporedan lik u ovoj sceni) radi nešto na svom računalu.
Druga službenica je preuzela njezin predmet i pregledava priloženu dokumentaciju nakon što joj je Ona objasnila da je riječ o posvojenju i da zahtjev podnosi u roku (do 30 dana od dana posvojenja).
Treća službenica sjedi između njih i jede sendvič.

Treća, žvačući:
- O, posvojili ste! Koliko je staro dijete?
Ona:
- Godinu i pol.
Treća:
- Joj, to je tako lijepo! A imate li svoje djece?
Ona:
- Pa, da, jednu kćerkicu.
Treća, i dalje žvačući:
- Vi ste prava mama! A koliko je stara?
Ona (zbunjeno):
- Pa, godinu i pol. Ova beba za koju podnosim zahtjev je moje jedino dijete.
Treća:
- Aha... mislila sam... A ja sam sada trudna.
Ona:
- Čestitam!
Službenica Druga koja se do tada bavila njezinim zahtjevom priopćava joj da pravo na pomoć nemaju jer je već isplaćena. Dolazi pravnica koja joj usput pojašnjava (nepotrebno, jer Ona to već zna) da za dijete pomoć može dobiti samo jedan korisnik. Ona moli da na njezin zahtjev odgovore pisanim rješenjem. Ne planira se žaliti, ne planira ništa s tim rješenjem, nego samo želi i formalno zatvoriti tu priču. Upućuju je u pravni ured.



Scena 3.

Nekoliko minuta kasnije, u istoj zgradi, kat više, drugi ured.
U uredu sjedi dvoje službenika, licem okrenuti jedno prema drugom, bočno prema vratima i njoj.
Dok predaje zahtjev i pojašnjava da bi željela primiti rješenje, ulazi pravnica s kraja prethodne scene i uskače u razgovor:
- Gospođa želi rješenje. Nema pravo na isplatu, pomoć je već podigla prava mama djeteta.
Ona (ton ljubazan ali hladan, nije ga lako izvesti):
- Ja sam prava mama.
Pravnica (ton mrvičak podsmješljiv, uz poluosmijeh,):
- No, pa zna se na što sam mislila.
Ona (malo manje strpljivo):
- Mislili ste biološka majka. Mogli ste reći i prva majka, iako je moje dijete ne pamti. Ja sam prava mama.
Pravnica:
- Nije bitno. Možete ovdje predati zahtjev. Dobit ćete rješenje i u roku od 15 dana od dana primitka možete uložiti žalbu.
Ona (kreće prema vratima):
- Žalbu neću podnositi a zahtjev je upravo preuzeo Vaš kolega. I... molim Vas, pažljivije baratajte terminologijom sa sljedećim posvojiteljima.



Scena 4.

Sat vremena kasnije, Ona ulazi s vrećicama u objema rukama u stan. Njezina majka, baka djeteta, uskočila je pričuvati bebu pola sata između tatinog odlaska na posao i maminog povratka s HZZO-a.
Curica sjedi uz baku i svoje igračke, opazi mamu na vratima i na nesigurnim nožicama "hita" k njoj.
Mama odlaže vrećice na pod i klekne. Djetešce se čvrsto prima za nju i pentra k njoj u naručje. Drži se čvrsto, čvrsto, mama ga ljubi po glavici, obraščićima, nosiću, ručicama.
- Mamamamamamamama... maaaaammmmmaaaa...




Svaka sličnost sa stvarnim ljudima i događajima je namjerna.

http://www.namaste.bloger.index.hr/default.aspx

Jao, čitala sam i ranije ovaj blog, diiivan je. A evo sad opet, žena predivno piše zaista...

Preporučila bih ove forume

http://forums.adoption.com/

Meni puno znače jer tu su konkretna iskustva, ponašanja dece, saveti... Naravno lepše bi bilo da je više takvih tema i odgovora na našem forumu ali dok to ne bude eto preporuke za čitanje...

http://upadachurech.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/kako-se-prave-bebe/


KAKO SE PRAVE BEBE
јануар 5, 2014Trla Baba Lan Ženske stvari 8 коментар

- Mamaaa, šta je Jovani?
- Nije joj ništa, trudna je, na toj slici je imala bebu u stomaku.
- Aha. A gde su slike kad sam ja bila u tvom stomaku?

Umalo viljuškom u oko da se ubodem, ‘leba mi. Pa oni iz Centra za socijalni rad rekoše da će dete početi da se raspituje o tome negde oko pete-šeste godine, a ova moja još ni tri nije napunila. Ala lažu, mamicu im! A i ona našla da progovori pre vremena i to samo zato da bi mene zajebala! Šta sad da kažem, kako da joj objasnim a da razume? Eee, crna Trla, sad beri kožu na šiljak. Udahnuh duboko u pokušaju da izgledam mirno, staloženo i zrelo:

- Ti nikada nisi bila u mom stomaku.
- Kako to? Kupila si me u radnji hehehehe?
- Jok bre, naručila sam te preko Interneta. Samo su oni do jaja spori i čekala sam dve godine da te isporuče.
- Mamaaaa, nemoj da se šališ stalno! Gde sam bila, kaži?
- Bila si u stomaku jedne druge tete, jer je moj bio pokvaren.
- Pa što ga nisi popravila, zašto nisi zvala majstora?
- Ana, neke stvari se jednostavno ne mogu popraviti ma koliko mi to želeli. Tako je bilo i s mojim stomakom. Išla sam ja kod raznih majstora, ali džaba. Riknula boranija. A pošto sam ja po svaku cenu želela da te imam onda si ti rasla u stomaku te tete (njen je šljakao) i ona te je rodila, a tata i ja smo došli po tebe i odveli te kući. To se zove usvajanje deteta.

- Aha. Aj prebaci na Bejbi TV, sad će da mi počne crtani.

Odahnuh tako glasno da su me verovatno čuli stanari tri okolna bloka i uvalih joj u usta ekstra čokoladicu da prikrijem sreću što sam tako dobro prošla. Šta dobro, RASTURILA SAM! Ja sam boginja a ne majka, ja sam jedinica za vaspitavanje i to toliko velika jedinica da se u praksi češće koristi mikroTrla i pikoTrla! I malo je falilo da optrčim pobednički krug po dnevnoj sobi držeći i dalje onu viljušku u ruci k’o štafetu, kad Anakonda progovori s lukavim izrazom lica:

- Ja znam kako se prave bebe, hehe!

Tačno sam znala da će sad neko sranje da se desi. Što se ne drogira k’o sva normalna deca nego izigrava Gestapo, uperila one plave oči u mene , razjapila čeljusti pune čokolade i ceri mi se u lice? Joj živote, teretano! A iz jaslica ima odmah ujutru da je ispišem, jer to je mogla samo tamo da čuje! A da joj kažem da pita vaspitačicu? Babu? Milana Tarota? Neka se konsultuje s terijerima, oni su to prošli pa će da joj časkom objasne. Crna rodo, što me donese na ovaj šugavi svet?! Hmmm, možda da se ja ipak priklonim klasičnoj verziji s pčelama i cvetom? Jok, to je loša ideja, ima da me smori pitanjima dok na kraju skroz ne prsnem pa počnem da sipam detalje. Misli Trla, misli! Ček, polako, ludim! Iskuliraj se, iskuliraj se. Diši boktejebo, diši duboko. Zen faza. Namaste. Pročistih grlo:

- Dakle, da čujem. Kako se prave bebe?
- Od šećera i sna

Simona ::

- Dakle, da čujem. Kako se prave bebe?
- Od šećera i sna

  

Genijalan tekst.

Da, sjajno piše   

I dopada mi se kako teške teme okreće na neku duhovitost, možda je tako i najbolje...

I takva otvorenost prema usvajanju je neobična za sve nas. Jedna od socijalnih radnica je imala takav stav - da treba da objavimo svima, da idemo sa tim potpuno transparentno. Naravno, to je jedna od onih koje sam ja susrela svi ostali su govorili da ne govorimo gde god možemo... Pitanje je šta je bolje... Mada već smo spominjale da se tu moraju uračunati i želje dece, stav koji ispoljavaju. Moj Vilenjak ne spominje usvajanje ni nama, ni radjanje, ni hranitelje, ni biološku majku, ma ništa na tu temu. Nije čak oduševljen ni ovim mojim pisanjem na Kutku i fb a kamoli šta drugo...

Evo i engleske verzije

http://grannygotbored.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/how-its-made-babies/

- Moooommy, what’s wrong with Jovana?

- There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s pregnant, she had a baby in her stomach when that photo was taken.

- Ok… And where are the photos of you while I was in your stomach?

I wanted to stab myself in the eye with a fork, I swear. Well those people frome the Social center assured me that she’ll start asking around at the age of 5 or 6 and my child is only 3! Fuckin’ liars! And this child of mine started talking so soon only to screw me up, I’m sure. What should I say, how can I explain it to her so that she could understand? Oh, Granny, you’re screwed! I took a deep breath while I was trying to look calm and mature:

- You were never in my stomach.

- How come? You bought me in a store, hehehehe?

- No, I’ve ordered you over the Internet. But they were very slow so I had to wait two years for them to deliver you.

- Mooommy, stop making jokes all the time! Where was I, tell me?

- You were in an another lady’s stomach, mine was broken.

- Why didn’t you fix it? You could have called a repairman.

- Anna, some things just can’t be fixed, no matter how much we want to. That goes for my stomach as well. I went to see a lot of repairmen but it had no use. And since I’ve wanted you really bad, you were growing in that other lady’s stomach cause hers was working fine and she gave birth to you and then daddy and I came for you and took you home. That’s called a child adoption.

- Ok. Switch over to Baby TV, my cartoon is about to start now.

I’ve sighed so loud that the tenants from 3 blocks around could hear me and I put an extra piece of chocolate in her mouth so that I can cover up the joy for doing this well. Not just well, I’ve nailed it! I am a goddess, not a mother. I am the unit for child raising. A very big unit too! And then I almost ran across the room holding my fork like the Olympic torch when Anaconda looked at me with a cunning look on her face:

- I know how babies are made, hehe!

I knew some shit is about to happen. Why can’t she just use drugs like all the other kids, instead of questioning me like the Gestapo, staring at me with those big blue eyes of hers and smiling at me with her chocolate covered mouth wide open? Damn! And starting from tomorrow she won’t be going to the Day care center anymore! She probably picked that up overthere, where else could she hear that? Should I tell her to ask the nursery-governess? Her grandmother? The Medium? Maybe she should consult the dogs, they’ve been through that so they’ll be able to explain that to her in no time. Damn the stork who brought me to this world! Maybe I should try the classic bees and flowers version? Nope, bad idea, she’ll be asking questions till I finally explode and start talking details. Think Granny, think! Wait, take it easy, you’re driving yourself crazy! Cool off, just cool off. Breath god damn, just breath deep. Zen phase. Namaste. I’ve cleared my throat:

- So, let’s hear it. How are babies made?

- Out of sugar and dream. (Serbian RnR song lyrics)



Translation by MindSabotage

http://www.adoption.net/adoptive-parents/blog/10-things-your-adoptee-needs-to-hear?vnc=AyfFsS4TZ-i1Bu8kaYfsAUNuus-bikPHtb1hbVx-ObA&vnp=0

10 Things Your Adoptee Needs to Hear
iamadopted's picture
By: Jessenia Arias
Mar 07, 2014 12:49 PM


Do you know what your adoptee needs to hear? Are you communicating effectively to your child? Don’t know where to begin or what to say? If so, read on my friends!

I support you no matter what. No matter what choice your child makes in life, support them. This does not mean to support negative decisions or poor behavior. It means that your child has their own identity and may not see eye-to-eye with what you have planned for their life. They may choose to practice a different religion than what your family practices. They might be gay. They might choose to go to a different college than the prestigious university your family as graduated from. They may decide they do not want to take over the family business. No matter what, support means everything to them; never forget that. Although these apply to biological children, these points have been shared with me specifically by adoptees.
I will love you forever and ever and nothing will change that. Adoptees are often afraid that if they voice their opinions or thoughts about their life and their adoption, that you will love them less.
Your shade of skin doesn’t make us family, our love does. It’s hard to be different; we all know that. Wanting to identify with someone is natural, and it can be difficult when your child realizes they are different from you because of the shade of their skin. Unfortunately, there will be people who point out to them that they are different or not a part of the family because they do not share the same blood and physical traits as their adoptive family. I remember hearing an adoptee sharing the pain of wanting to scrub his skin until it turned white to identify with his adoptive family. Never forget to remind them that love is from the heart and family is love, not color.
You are beautiful just the way you are. Adoptees have confided in me about wanting to alter their appearance to look more like their adoptive family because of things people have said to them about looking different. Remind your child that love comes from within, no matter what people say to them.
Tell me you love me, even if it’s a million times a day. It is never enough. The truth is, even if we know you love us, sometimes it does not feel like it is enough. We need to hear the words being said, even when we are at the stage of life when our parents have cooties and we don’t want to catch them from their kisses and hugs. We still need to know and feel you love us. We have plenty of bad days and we are tired of kids teasing us because they know we are adopted.
I will never leave you. This is a huge one, as almost every adoptee feels at some point that their adoptive parents will leave them. They spend their days fearful that their friends will stop wanting to be friends with them. Some friends can be evil growing up. Also, we cannot forget the puppy love breakups that make us feel like life is over. Those seem to be the worst for adoptees. However, your love, the most important love, is love we need most. It is important to know you will never leave, because some feel their birth families did.
I have your back, no matter what. I need to know you have my back. Even if you support me, I need to know you have my back through it all. I might make mistakes here and there; however, that is what growing up is all about. I might not be the perfect student that earns straight A’s, graduates top of the class, or is the star of the football team. I still need your support and need you to cheer me on every day.
You are allowed to feel the way you feel. No one can guarantee that adoption will be sweet, and no can tell us how to feel, especially if you are not adopted. We deal and cope with things differently compared to those who are not adopted. I have my own mind and my own thoughts. Sometimes they won’t line up with your beliefs or the way you want me to do things. I am allowed to feel like adoption was the worst thing to happen to me or that I hate adoption. I don’t have to be grateful. That is my choice and these are my feelings. Please allow me to feel the way I choose to feel.
I will do my best to provide you with the necessary help and resources you need to cope and better understand yourself. As much as we want our parents to understand us and be the only ones we to turn to, the truth is, it isn’t always possible. There are emotions that stem from rejection, abandonment, and adoption that I cannot always talk to you about. I need help. I need counseling, a mentor, or an adoptee/adoption coach to help me sort things out to live a positive life. Invest in my future by having resources readily available to me, without fear or judgment of my feelings and beliefs.
Tell me good things about my birth family. They may have been far from perfect, abused me, or neglected me; however, please do not remind me of that every day. I do not want to carry that hurt and weight on my heart. I want to remember them as loving me in some way. Speak positively about them. There is always some good in every person, even if it takes time to find it.

Pretpostavljam da ovo sve znamo ali nije loše podsetiti se s vremena na vreme

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/adoption-and-foster-care/pages/When-to-Tell-Your-Child-About-Adoption.aspx


When to Tell Your Child About Adoption

For some parents, telling their child that he is adopted is a formidable, anxiety-provoking task, and thus they put it off or avoid it. However, at some point adopted youngsters need to be told about their origins, ideally even before middle childhood.
Introducing the Information During Preschool Years

During their preschool years, children begin asking ques­tions like "Where do babies come from?" That is a good time to begin introducing information about their special backgrounds.
What Should You Say?

Make your explanation simple, direct, and honest.
Ex­plain that he was not born to you.
Tell him that he was born to other parents who could not take care of him. Then describe why you chose to adopt a child.
Talk about how much you and your spouse wanted him, and briefly explain the process you went through to get him.

Allow Your Child to Ask Questions

For example, he might want to know "What happened to my first mommy and daddy? Where are they?" You can share a little bit of that information with him, but there is no need to go into too much detail. Your comments should answer his questions in ways appro­priate for his maturity level.
Ideas for the Future

At the time of the adoption you should have been given some basic information about your child's biological parents—from medical issues (a family history of heart disease, for example) to personal characteristics. (Was the father tall and athletic? Was the mother artistic?) Someday you will want to pass along all of this information to your youngster. One useful way to address all kinds of adoption questions is with a "life-book," a scrapbook of all of the information you have about his past. This can be very helpful to a child with a complicated past of multiple moves. This book can be "read" in more detail to the child as he matures.
If Your Child Is Already School Age...

If your child is already of school age and has not been told that he is adopted, you need to talk with him about it, as early during this time of life as possible.

Adoption should not be a secret. Every youngster needs to have an honest understanding of his origin. Adopted children who have not been told seem to sense that somehow they are different; this nagging intuition can in­fluence their self-image. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to discuss it with your child.

Also, he is liable to find out from someone else—perhaps by overhearing the conversations of relatives, or from teasing by neighborhood children who have learned from their own parents that he is adopted.
Your Child's Emotions

If you have waited until the middle years of childhood to tell your youngster that he is adopted, he may be upset, but that is a natural reaction. Allow him to express his feelings. Talk about why he is sad or angry, and let him know that you acknowledge and understand those feelings. Remind him that you and your spouse love him, that this is his family and always will be.
Your Own Emotions

Often parents who are reluctant to tell their youngster about the adoption may have difficulties of their own in accepting that their son or daughter is not their biological child. Sometimes they might feel ashamed or inadequate be­cause they could not have children of their own, and they avoid explaining the adoption to their youngster so that they will not have to revisit that issue.

Sometimes parents are hesitant to talk about the adoption because they are trying to be protective of their child's feelings, sensing that he might be hurt at finding out he was adopted. They might also be afraid of being rejected by their adopted youngster. They might think, "What if my son says, 'I don't want to live with you anymore; I want to go live with my real mommy'?" That, how­ever, is an uncommon reaction, and not one that children are really serious about pursuing.

Keep in mind that it is important for the child to know about his adoption by the time he enters school. Your honest communication about this impor­tant issue early on can strengthen the relationship you have with him, build­ing a strong bond of trust. So if you have any apprehensions about telling your child, try getting beyond them.
More Questions

After you've told your child, he will have more questions about it in the days, weeks, and years ahead. His questions are normal and do not reflect a lack of affection toward you. The more your child talks about it with you, the more comfortable he will feel with the idea, and the stronger his relationship will become with you.

Your answers to these questions should be direct but still sensitive to the emotional maturity level of your youngster, and what he has already learned and understands about the adoption. Do not dismiss these questions and con­cerns, but do not overreact to them either. Acknowledge the fact that his fam­ily situation is different from that of many or most of his friends. At the same time, do not magnify the significance of his special circumstances, nor dwell upon them. Your child's basic needs are the same, regardless of whether he is living with biological or adoptive parents, and most aspects of his life will be the same as those of his peers.
Normal Stages Adopted Children Pass Through

There are some normal stages through which your adopted child is likely to pass:

During the ages of five to seven years, for example, he may understand that he has "two mothers" and "two fathers," but the social customs and the full meaning of adoption are probably still a bit unclear. He is likely to ask questions about why his birth mother did not keep him. And he may have anxiety-generating thoughts like "Since my first mother left me, maybe my second one might too."
When your adopted child is a little older—between the ages of seven to nine years old—he will develop a better understanding of being adopted. You can expect to be asked specific questions about his biological parents. In a sense, he will be trying to construct a more accurate "memory" of his original family, which of course is really just a fantasy about his first mother and father and how he came to be adopted.
Later in the middle years—during ages nine through twelve—all children, in­cluding those who are adopted, become increasingly concerned with their ap­pearance and fitting in. Your adopted youngster may become more curious about and sensitive to differences in his own hair color or eye color if it differs from your own. He will also become even more interested in his biological par­ents, and what his original cultural origins may have been. Expect many more questions about both his biological and adoptive relatives, and his family tree.

Uopšte ne znam gde sam vam stavila one uznemirujuće priče iz ugla usvojene dece a baš sam tražila... No evo jedne lepe, inače žena koja je pisala je i vlasnica sajta/fb stranice gde se pišu stvari iz ugla usvojene dece pa ponekad i uznemiravajuće za nas ali ona sama je uvek pisala da je njena priča lepa... dopala mi se i kad sam je pročitala...

http://www.adoption.net/adoptees/node/25330

It Takes More than Blood to Make Us Family
Jessenia's picture
By: Jessenia Arias
Mar 25, 2014 08:16 AM
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DNA connects adoptees and birth families; however, according to my life and journey as an adoptee in reunion, DNA does not make anyone family. Family is defined by love, compassion, who you can run to, who is willing to go to the ends of the world for you and never leave you stranded. Adoption means family to many. It means people coming together to love and protect the child they adopted at all costs. It means giving a child a chance to live out their dream and be everything they are destined to be. Adoption means, I am your family forever.

One could never fathom the idea that their child would to come to them through another woman that did not want her child or anything to do with her. My adoptive parents never planned on adopting, even though my mom wanted more children. She would always tell my dad she wanted another child. Who knew God had a perfect plan? Who knew that God would test my mom and dad the way He did? Today, my mom looks back at what faith and love overcame when she made the decision to take me home with her and commit her life to raising me. Since the day my mom and dad adopted me, I had been in and out of hospitals for a few years while doctors ran numerous test in an attempt to diagnose the symptoms I had. Doctors gathered around and told my mom there was a chance I would not live very long, but it never deterred my mom’s faith in proceeding to adopt me. My mom’s exact words were, “if God gave her to me, I will take care of her.” It tears me up even thinking about it. To know that someone had that much love for me, without having given birth to me, has to be of God. My mom and dad were in the lower class income bracket; they saved where they could and what they could.  They cleared out their savings to pay for medical bills to take care of me, not necessarily to adopt. At the time, my dad quit his job to take care of me around the clock since my mom did not drive. My mom worked three jobs to provide for me and my two sisters that were my birth mother’s biological children. All of this took place before my adoption was finalized. Anything could have happened. My mom’s friends thought she and my dad were insane to make such sacrifices when I was not yet legally theirs. Families make sacrifices out love and out of faith.

After my father passed from cancer unexpectedly, I remember the struggle growing up and our early years on welfare. There were days our lights were cut off and days the water was shut off, forcing us to carry buckets of water from our neighbor's house for drinking or flushing the toilet. There is no memory in my mind of my mom showing the difficulty of taking in another child, paying for reduced rate school lunches, and magically affording a prom dress for me. Everyday, my mom did the best she could with the little she had financially and educationally. My mom had a second grade education. She taught herself everything she knew. She would sit me between her legs and practice math with me everyday. As a matter-of-fact, we taught each other how to read. Year by year, struggle by struggle, our bond grew deeper and deeper. I know this now that I am an adult, as my mom and I reminisce about past memories and photos. My adoption story has shown me that the act of adopting is of love and gives a child a home—a family.

Many argue the adoption system and laws are flawed. In fact, many are. However, there are many families like mine that would go to the ends of the earth to give a child life, love, and opportunity. Since I have reunited with my birthfamily, I have learned that family is anyone that loves and protects you. Family can be your teachers, friends, and mentors. YOU decide who your family is. My adoptive family was far from perfect; they made plenty of mistakes in parenting, but who doesn't? That does not make them bad people. I know their hearts, and for me, that is all matters.

Blood isn’t always thicker than water. Family isn’t always about DNA. If you find people that love you as you are, provide for you, and want what is best for you, allow them to love you. Allow them to be the presence of an absent parent in your life. Never let your life’s shortcomings or the wrongs of adoption stop you from living your dreams and finding your happiness.

You are loved.  Thanks for reading!



How do you define family? What has love helped you overcome? Tell us in the comments below.

Evo jednog pisma biološke majke. Ona je dala dete na usvajanje kada je imala 16 godina a devojčica sada puni deset godina. U otvorenom su usvajanju. U medjuvremenu je završila fakultet, udala se, ima još dece i aktivna je u grupama za biološke majke koje su dale decu na usvajanje. Piše ovaj svoj blog a i na drugima o otvorenom usvajanju i svom iskustvu. Mene je pismo potreslo, plakala sam od prve do poslednje reči. Možda vas neće toliko jer sam ja u fazi kad se bliži Vilenjakov rodjendan i kada se više setim njegove biološke majke i sve me više pogadja. Ali verujem da će i vama značiti da pročitati razmišljanja "druge strane".

Dear Anna,
Today you turn 10 years old. It is currently 8:21 pm and in my busy life of 3 kids, plus babysitting, plus growing a new little blessing, I am just now getting to sit down to write. Right now, I was pushing you into this side of earth.  Pushing you from only mine, into sharing you.  At 9:00 pm, you were born.  It seems fitting that I’m getting to sit and ponder your birth and our years together, and apart, so far during this time frame.
I’ll be honest, this has been one of the hardest birthdays for me than others have been.  The number 10 has haunted me as this day approached, how could so many years have gone by already? It is a milestone. A marker of new territory as you grow into a teenager soon. It’s a marker of what I’ve missed in your daily life, but also what I’ve been privileged to enjoy.  In preparing for this big birthday, I grieved in ways I haven’t in a long time.  Sometimes a birthmother just needs to do that. She needs to cry for the loss, cry for what could of been. But then, after some tears and feeling things she hasn’t felt in years…she’ll feel better. At least I did. In my ten years, though I have had moments of grief, I haven’t lost sight of the fact that our adoption was God’s will. I have peace with that, even now.
This actual birthday itself has been fine though. I spoke with you on the phone and was sent a picture to see how grown up you’ve become in the last 10 years.  Getting to hear your voice always, always makes the soothes the ache of missing you. Hearing you tell me that you love me helps immensely. Thank you and I love you, too!  Today actually was filled with joy for me as I remembered and celebrated all that your presence in my life has been.  God has moved in so many ways simply because you exist. From friendships formed, to the talents and dreams God has planted in my heart, your presence was the beginning of those amazingly beautiful things in my life. Best of all, you are the one who brought me back to Christ. I’m so thankful!
I hope you know how blessed, loved, and special you are!  One day you will use your own writing to tell your own story. I can’t wait to see how your next 10 years unfold, with us together at times, and apart.  I pray that God will protect our relationship and let it bloom into whatever God intends for it to be. I pray that you will grow closer to God as you grow into a young lady. I pray you will form friendships that point each other back to Him. Most of all, I pray you that make wise choices and learn from my mistakes. Without my “mistakes” though, we wouldn’t have you.  You are not a mistake, you are a gift. Praise God for His redemption and bringing so much beauty from a dark place in my life.  You light up my world as well as your parents’. Thank you for your bright smile!
Happy birthday, my first born.
Love always,
Your Birthmomma

http://thegracebond.com/

Bas je lepo!   

Da, jeste lepo i ja bih najviše volela da su sve biološke majke ovakve; bojim se da je realnost sasvim drugačija... Iako se ja potajno nadam da je bio-majka naše ćerke poput ove.

Ovaj blog mi je zanimljiv jer se radi o ljudima koji imaju četvoro biološke dece a usvojili su još jedno i nameravaju da usvoje još. To bi mogli možda da vide naši socijalni radnici koji se čude kad neko ima biološko dete/decu a hoće da usvaja...

http://www.ourcircleisntcomplete.blogspot.com/

Ovo je posebno zanimljiv blog - pišu ga usvojena majka, biološka majka i usvojena devojka. Imaju i fb stranicu. Kako sam shvatila tek im je početak bloga ali već ima zanimljivih priča a nadam se da će ih tek biti...

http://alovethatbinds.com/

Sem na našem blogu i na sledećem linku možete da pročitate priče usvojenih sa našeg podneblja tj iz Hrvatske

http://www.adopta.hr/53-iskustva/80-iz-iskustva

Ja sam velika protivnica razdvajanja biološke braće i sestara. Zašto mislim da je to sasvim pogrešno, možda će vam biti jasnije ako pogledate ovaj blog...

http://maryannaking.com/2015/05/22/the-only-way-is-forward/#more-552